What did I need to unlearn? Didn't I need to know more? It was all very confusing. I once again fully intended to just drop the whole thing and go my own way again. I thought that God wasn't looking for me. He had no part of my life. I didn't see Him and I had no evidence that He would ever be more than a myth that others believe. But I had actually said the words "I want to become a Christian". As I soon discovered, God doesn't let you get away from a statement like that.
A few days later, I was sitting alone in my office after hours listening to an album that people in the group had introduced me to. It was Rich Mullins "The World As Best As I Remember It, Volume 2". There is a song on that album that I had heard the campus ministry group sing many times, "Step by Step". It was a beautiful song and I bought the album just so I could hear that song. The group only sang the chorus, but on the album there were also verses. The second verse is:
Sometimes I think of Abraham
how one star he saw had been lit for me
he was a stranger in this land
and I am that no less than he
and on this road to righteousness
sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
but never beyond your reach
those words supplied the piece that I was missing. I didn't have to wait for Jesus to come get me. He already had! All of my life, He had been waiting for me to come to Him. I could no longer deny Him. At that moment, I became aware of the enormous spiritual battle that had been taking place around me. My eyes were uncovered and I understood the force of darkness that had been fighting to keep me from Jesus. The time of decision had come, and I chose to accept Jesus into my life. Instantly so many things became clear to me. All the things I had heard from my friends came together and I could see the truth. Only the deceitfulness of satan had prevented me from understanding and now he no longer had that power over me!
But what a humbling experience too. All my years of rebellion suddenly passed before my eyes and I felt so ashamed. For a few moments, I felt that I had no right to the salvation Jesus offered me. Then I remembered the story of Jesus with the adulterous woman. His words to her were "neither do i condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin." This feeling of shame was just one more of satan's attempts to deceive me. I still have thirty years of baggage to carry with me, but I have turned my life over to Jesus and He has forgiven me. I am now truly free.
continue...